October 25th, 2022

That was our song. I haven't been able to listen to it since Bill died.  If it comes on the radio, I quickly shut if off or change the station. The kids know it so well they will often catch the beginning melody before I do and stop it.

As I sat here tonight, trying to focus on writing, I had 80's country music playing in the background and Anne Murray began to sing.  Instantly I reached for my phone, my hand shaking.  Then I stopped. Staring out the window I forced myself to listen.

In my mind I could see many of the times we danced to that beautiful song. A favorite band of ours that we used to follow locally would always play it for us and announce "This song is for Mr. & Mrs. New London". Julie Crawford and her band Amarillo were great.  We loved listening/partying with them and had so much fun when a bunch of us would get together and go out.
They were good days, some of the best ever.

A week from today, on November 1st, we would have been married 47 years and together 51. It's so hard to believe we had so much time together yet it wasn't nearly enough. No matter where I go, or what I accomplish in life being Bill's wife was my greatest success.  Something I did turned out wonderfully right!  A decision I made was the perfect one for me, for us, for our family. 

The Forester Sisters have a song, I'd Chose You Again, and I used to sing it all the time:
Looking in my life
Through the eyes of a young girl growing older all the time,
Maybe just a little wiser
I can clearly see
All my mistakes keep coming back to visit me
Pointing out the roads not taken
So much I'd like to change but one thing I'd do the same

I'd choose you again, I'd choose you again
If God gave me the chance to do it all again
Oh, I'd carefully consider every choice and then
Out of all the boys in the world
I'd choose you again

Times weren't always good
Seems like the Lord gave all the easy parts away
But every time the road got rocky
You'd look at me and say
Had all you needed long as I was there with you
You're the reason I kept going
If I could start my life anew
The first thing that I would do

I'd choose you again, I'd choose you again
If God gave me the chance to do it all again
Oh, I'd carefully consider every choice and then
Out of all the boys in the world
I'd choose you again.

County music has a way of making you see things more clearly.  Garth Books, The Dance is another one..."I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."

I would not have wanted to miss the dance we shared. I would have chosen him over and over again.
Can I have this dance for the rest of my life?
No, sadly I can't, but I did have it for the rest of his.  I guess that's something to hang on to.