Music played in the stores around the holidays, but I tuned it out. I let the SiriusXM expire in my car. What was the point of keeping it? I didn't want to listen, didn't want to hear.
I think we all have sort of a soundtrack to our lives. Songs take us away, bringing back memories, some painful, some joyous. It was only recently that I discovered a third option.
After avoiding music like a dreaded disease, last week I was in the car with my daughters. I asked if there was a way to play the songs on my phone through the radio. Of course there was, and I didn't have to hook anything up, just press the Media button.
(Who else buys a brand new car and never, not once, opens the manual? I don't care what the vehicle can do, other than it gets me from A to B.)
Cathy asked me what I wanted to listen to and I said my playlist. Seriously, I had no idea what was on it. I'll bet I haven't listened to it in more than two years. I sort of put it on my iphone, just in case.
So the music started, each song a surprise and a treasured memory.
"Mom, you don't have to do this," they said.
"Yeah, I kind of do."
So I listened, and I learned something in the process. It's all still true. I still feel the same way that I did when these songs first touched my heart.
When Juice Newton belts out, 'The Sweetest Thing I've Ever Known Is Loving You', that's still true. Loving him was the sweetest thing I ever knew.
When Clint and Lisa Black sing, "When I Said I Do", which was the ringtone I had for Bill, I still mean those words, "till the end of all time."
He will always be 'My Valentine,' by Martina McBride. "You're all I need my love, My Valentine".
He was the 'Morning Glory', and I the 'Midnight Sun', in Barbra Streisand's Evergreen,
We were 'Islands in the Stream', by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, 'no one in between'.
'To Make You Feel My Love', was in there. I don't remember adding it.
And Jodee Messina and Tim McGraw can 'Bring on the Rain,' because it's coming anyway. I've decided there will always be tears just waiting to fall.
So,the music lives on, as well as the love. It's okay if I cry, because trying to shut out those feelings is painful too. The memories songs evoke are precious, making me think of better times, slow dancing in the dark, singing in the truck. I think I'll try to hang onto them.